sunday was the feast of corpus christi.

until becoming a priest i never thought of the day at all. or, if at all, that it was a pious sentiment.

but as a priest, it is an entirely different event.

what is our purpose as priests? it is NOT to 'be kind' 'do good works' even 'clothe the naked' or 'visit those in prison'. Of course these things flow naturally out of our hearts, or rather the heart of the Divine One because His mark is indellibly on us and in us. But ANYONE can and must do these things.

what is our purpose but to make heaven and earth meet in the eucharist? all the other sacraments are but a distant second to this.

so, once a priest properly understands his place: WHICH IS BEFORE THE ALTAR OF GOD-and nowhere else. And a footnote: those who denigrate or misunderstand this central message are fools and in peril. Forgive me, but I have seen it so often it sickens me. at any rate, once understood that this is our place, this is our raison d'être , then, think:

this SOLEMNITY--equal in stature to Christmas, Easter, etc., this solemnity is the emphatic re-affirmation of our role and the centrality of the role of the eucharist in the life of the Christian. Then, this solemnity comes into true focus. And it may leave the priest speechless.

at any rate, i found it extremely moving to celebrate it and found myself taking my time. even more than usual. loving every word. the longing and yearning of my heart and all my love pouring forth. it was a wonderful Mass; I cannot think of words to describe it. But it was very . .. deepening . . . full of the primordial darkness that is the light for the contemplative . . . it was a star in the night of my soul, empty, waiting only for him. . . it was the divine power-over-the-elements. This is the true power that magick, sorcery and all manner of esoteric practices can only mimic, and poorly. this simple thing; this is the unfathomable power of the Divine in the world. It cannot help but open hearts, and open wider those that have let Him in.

But I digress. At any rate, my wife later asked me if I was alright. She could not understand why I kept slowing down, kept pausing. I assured her that all was well.

But I took my sweet time in 'concealing' the sanctuary (putting my mobile sanctuary away). It was the way for me to be able to bring my thin shroud of worldy consciousness back on. To cover what was fully uncovered.

I only know one person who knows what I mean. Perhaps there are others. If so, peace be with you. If not, peace be with you.

Even as I wrote this, my physical body was gripped with an uncontrollable spasm. Perhaps one day my physical body will be able to experience these things without resistance. Until then, perhaps, there is more 'unbeing' to realize.