Just watched the wonderful movie "Doubt". I had never seen the play, so it was fresh to me. It was such a gorgeous, lush, taut, wonderful movie. Of course, every moment without Meryl Streep in it is a wasted moment, but I loved the experience so much.
What I loved about it was the transcendent aspect of Streep's character's certainty. Of course, this parochial school principal had years and years of experience in spotting sexual predators---she had seen it more than once. And she had the life experience to recognize that children are vulnerable, as well as little hellions at times. But there is more to Streep's "certainty" than professional judgment. And certainly more to her actions based on that certainty than professional ethics or even moral injunction.
SHE KNEW. And she had a conviction to pursue and destroy, or at least remove, the evil in her world, even if it cost her her job, vocation, her religion, even her faith. Conviction to complete an act, even when it may cost you your IDENTITY--THAT is a transcendent, mystical experience. There is no other explanation. When you HAVE to do something, even if it is costing you the basis and foundation upon which your own convictions is based---that is more than going out on a limb, it is cutting the limb off and hoping it doesn't hurt too much when you land.
And what I most MOST loved about Sr. Aloysius (Streep's character) is that she never, NEVER had a moment's thought of her own personal safety, never had a doubt that she WOULD pursue this man (no hand wringing, she's the anti-Hamlet), and never, never doubted that she would prevail.
I think anyone who professes (or is stuck with) a faith in a transcendant, personal and moral G-d should stand up and take note. Being devoted to G-d is dangerous--he will do things to us, change perspectives, change boundaries, etc., within us, and make us brave, even if we have no will to be. But, as Sr. Aloysius so winningly demonstrates in the end of the move, that doesn't take away our base emotional selves. Once the fire is extinguished, the sword carefully cleaned and put away, we will be wracked with tears, "doubts", and misgivings. But that is the flesh re-asserting its will over the spirit. At that moment, our weakness becomes a virtue, it is allowing the balm of gilead to wash over our tired limbs. Then, and only then, are 'doubts' permissible. All else, as Sr. so waspishly admonished her junior religious, is just "wishing it was over so one can return to one's treasured simplicity."
Sr. Aloysius sacrificed her peace of mind, her happiness and probably risked her sanity, by pursuing with rabid devotion her mission to educate and protect children. Being grasped by so powerful a mission is truly a grace--but perhaps not a grace to be asked for.
