Prayer is now far more 'powerful'--what other word is there? Because I do nothing. I close my eyes and i feel a large, hard presence, a me that i only dimly understand.

and he is clothed with my skin--a 3/8th inch of flesh over implacable metal/solidity, of which I have never seen. And his eyes are fire and arrows. and his hair is as the fire of the sun and his body the darkness of all being and all potential. and it is he now who rules. nearly! nearly! there is nothing I can do. and all is the other. finally, the oblivion and end that I have so long sought is coming. and, in its stead, this other. soon there shall be no action that is not he acting. i become only his illusion. his magic trick. his 'cover.' if i betray him not, we will stay together. now, if i try to work against him, i will only tear and die.

it is glorious to know that a step outside of this other, true self will mean incurable insanity for me. but the will of he who is not yet named will work regardless. it is up to me to make the shell what i want; what i deem the most effective and perfect vehicle. for now, as an offering to the most high at the end of all things, i have little to give, but the little should be as a precious jeweled box in which he can place what he will.