SOLEMN VOWS

I've never written here about my solemn vows as a Companion of St. Dionysius the Martyr. Of course, most, if not nearly all of our Roman brethren would not acknowledge my monastic vocation because I am also in the married state. I've stopped trying.

What is important is my experience of this vocation. I have to say that it is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. It is like having a huge, comfy old blanket wrapped around me 24/7. Actually, in fact, it is odd, but i no longer even need coverings when I sleep. I literally feel warm all the time. But that isn't the important part.

What is important is the consecration of one's entire SELF to Christ. And THAT is the essence of the charism. Being married is no more an impediment to that entire consecration as having a particular role in a monastery (keeper of the keys or washer of the toilers, etc.). Any activity or interaction with any other person could be considered an 'obstacle' to a monastic vocation--in fact, the hermits say just that! No, I am a MONASTIC, which means that I say the prayers of the church, i LIVE them, I am involved in the Divine Liturgy as often as possible, and I live my vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to the best of my ability according to my state of life. And when you really get down to brass tacks: the outer circumstances of one's life have NOTHING to do with whether or not your SELF is being actively consecrated to God. Because even BREATHING could be an impediment. This is what Christ was talking about with entering heaven with only one hand.

The point is not to leave anything behind in the flesh. The point is to leave it behind in one's BODY, one's MIND, one's HEART. In this poverty, I own EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD and NOTHING, both, simultaneously. And so, in this way, whether the world calls something 'mine' or 'not mine' is irrelevant. I acquire or discard material things in accordance with the needs of those to whom I have obligations, just as I would behind the cloister walls.

So! I say--erect the walls of the cloister of your heart! Bar the doors! YOU are the body, YOU are the tabernacle, YOU are the heart and monk and hermit of God. Live this INTERIOR life, and the exterior things become only a means for the body to give worship to God.

So, disparage not my vocation! Look instead to yourself. Are you a 'layman' in spirit? Or do you take up the challenge of the Christ: 'you are all priests'. Become the holy magician that unites the mundane with the sacred. In every moment. That is what we do.

End of sermon ;-)

On o'er hills verdant

to mountains mighty

snowbound and weighty

paths few.

There I am walking.

Slowly.

Some days I am a youth and in my prime and i walk boldly.

other days, i feel even stronger, but the spell of Him who calls me lays upon me like a cloak of lead and gold.

I can stand, erect, my feet moving.

but my progress is imperceptible.

it is on these days that to be called "priest" is no small thing.

It is on these days that I know I am worthy of my blacks.

Worthy only because I have been called and anointed. Worthy only because my flesh has been turned into His flesh.

Worthy because I died long ago. My ghosts banished to a crypt beautiful, low and treacherous, wards upon them I put.

My staff, strong, I lean upon, its ebony sheen I glory in.

It's crookedness and knots I caress.

I am alone.

My only company--the knowledge that there are others making this trek--on the other side of the mountains. Then we shall meet, one day, upon the summit. and there, together, in a circle of fire and stone and death, we shall dance.

And the stars shall fall. And the gods shall rise up. And the waters shall be divided and reformed. And the meadows shall sprout fruit of lastingness.

And finally I shall no longer be even the after-image of "I", but completely the Other.