"If I go to the mountains you are there." That whole verse is supposed to be a comfort:
Our G-d is with us no matter where we go.
I suppose. But G-d is like heroin. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. He is psychically, emotionally, physically addictive. So no matter where we go, there He is. We don't want him to leave, we don't want him to stay. "I have come not to bring peace, but a sword."
Indeed.
He does make us strong in one sense. But there is no pleasure in our strength. For in it, we see only the greatness of the task at hand. Yet, there is no turning back. And after this battle, yet another, and another, until eventually we are slain. And somehow, I do not believe heaven will be any different. Even as we are burned away, finally, into nothing but pure God-essence, what pains are there is store for us then? I wonder. There is nothing for it but to think like a Roman legionnaire. We put in our '20 years', then 'retire' to a green country, fare off, and hope for rest, a moment to plant herbs and be at peace, but the twenty years never shrinks. It is always 20 years off no matter how long we fight.
I am resigned to it, embrace it even, but the pain is no less. This is why the godly are compassionate; they know about pain. And they love indiscriminately---those in pain see nothing but pain--they see no externals.
In another sense, of course, G-d debilitates us the farther "in" we go. We move mountains, pivot galaxies, but our minds suffer. Only the prayers of the followers, supporters and family he gives us preserve our sanity, such as it becomes. And even the sanity of a saint is suspect.
But then, there is no real choice, is there? Perhaps enlightenment can be seen as the realization that there is no escape from pain, no matter WHAT we do, no matter WHERE we go, no matter how holy or decadent or lazy or evil we become. We all suffer the same things, arranged differently. What matters, then? Love, of course. True love, in teh grandest sense, is to preserve and ehnace life. This we must do or we are sure damned in some way that we have not yet imagined. Not that the evil suffer in this world, necessarily. Let's not be silly. But the smugness that ALL humans feel in one way or another, is rightly placed in teh hands of the holy---for they know that their labors, even if in vain, will have been made efficacious in some way to preserve and enhance life, and therefore, to fulfill our true destiny. But I'm rambling now . . . .
