Mass was difficult today. Again, still, the feeling of lethargy. I actually sat and meditated after the gospel and after Eucharist. but no matter how long i sat, nothing changed. there was no refuge in my holy chapel. only grace. if it could, i would sleep under my altar, as did the adherents to the cult of Apollo---falling into that sleep of death that brought enlightenment. For now, for me, I am given no more light. I am simply walking in the dark, surrounded by browns and dusk. Yet, I believe I am on the path. One down-side is that my will is weakened. I am 'self-medicating' with food, to my detriment. And, so, of course, this must be remedied. If only there were a healer to tend to me.